All By Myself

Well, today has been quiet. My dad woke me up at 7:15 this morning to tell me that i had forgotten to turn off my alarms and that if he was awake then i was awake. Im not sure if he was trying to be funny or mean. No matter the reason because i just rolled over and went back to sleep. When i woke up later, i got around and walked to aunt marcias (haha JT) and hung there with her and amy for a few hours. When i got back here i surfed the net a bit and then watched a couple movies.

And here i sit - looking around at this beautiful house and i think that this has become my life. I always seem to find myself here: at the bies' babysitting - after the kids go to bed or while im staying there house sitting - or at Mrs. Kings or here at Tiffanys. My house even, when everyone is in their respective bedrooms and i sit in the living room with Bud curled at my feet, or everyone has made plans for the evening. New Years, Halloween, Easter and other major events. The setting changes but the situation stays the same. Im alone with only my thoughts to keep me company.

No one calls. And I dont call them - for a number of reasons. I dont want to be annoying or seem desperate. I dont want to have a jilted conversation. I dont want to talk to someone who doesnt want to talk to me. and if im being honest, half the time, i really dont want to talk - to the person who calls or about what the conversation ends up leading to: high school drama. (i feel bad, but sometimes i hold the phone away from my ear and just dole out "uh huhs" and "yeas" while watching tv. :) )

Its kind of ironic, considering that i have a lot of friends. generally i get along with everyone and i gain peoples trust easily. amusingly, i know the deep dark secrets of at least half my class.
and yet, i always sit alone. its not that im afraid to tell them everything. its just that for some, i know they wouldnt understand, others are to focused on themselves the majority of the time, and yet others are just not the people i would express my thoughts too.
i just dont have anyone that i feel would understand or care. i trust in myself, because i know, no matter how hard i try to, i cant lie to myself. it doesnt matter how depressing things seems, i know it to be true (at least from my perspective) and i accept it.

I feel like im rambling- and actually at this point, i dont know what else to say so im just going to leave it at that.
xoxo
kelly

All By Myself - Celine Dion