So as you know, Ive got a lot of shit going on in my life. most of it is probably only in my head but no matter, i still need to work through it.
first off jt, let me start off with you. ive been keeping my distance from your - i guess more figuratively than literally since your always 1000 miles away. its nothing you did really. youve chosen to smoke pot, and apparently from your facebook and blog posts, its become an semi important part of your life. its not that im judging you or that i look down on you for it. ive just been thinking about it and guess i should explain why.
as you know my parents have smoked pot all my life and who knows how much longer. they also never tried to conceal that fact. i understand their logic in why they didnt hide and in some ways i agree and am glad.
i must say that my parents always put the family first. it wasnt like they were some junkie and all they lived for was pot - because for one, pot really isnt that kind of drug, and two, i know my parents put us above everything else.
pot did affect our lives in some ways though. for one, when we were completely broke and were out of pot, they were not always the happiest people to be around. also, though they'll never admit it, my parents have a certain kind of connection with my brothers that kari and i will never have. my mom and i are very close, even now, but its still frustrating. when they're smoking, kari and i dont really want to be around it. this cuts us out of lots of conversations. if we stay to be around the convos, we get "teased" about trying to get a contact buzz. alot of the time, we were just kicked out of the room, cutting us out of the conversation.
so when you first revealed that you were smoking regulary it kinda bothered me. then i remembered that your parents handled it differently and you see it differently. i dont know what turned kari away form drugs and to be honest, im not sure what exactly turned me away. ive just chosen not to do it and i was disappointed that you didnt. i hate to say that because it sounds like im looking down on you for it, which i am not. its not even that im completely surprised, i just had hoped we also had that thing in common. i want you to understand that i dont hate your for it or look down on you or anything like that. i just wanted to let you know that that was what was bothering me. and im really over it now and i could have resumed all normal contact with and not revealed it, but i wanted to let you know.
i was also slightly annoyed that you got kari into blogging. not for anything other than the fact that it gave her access to my blog. not that she couldnt have read it before then, but i dont think the idea would have crossed her mind had you not pushed her towards starting one. im not exactly thrilled that she has access to the place that i was mostly willing to reveal alot of myself.
kari and i are doing better though we need to work through some things definately. i understand that she has some issues with me, some of them grounded in fact, but mostly im frustrated with her because she doesnt see that their are 2 sides to every story and that all she ever does is play the victim. whatev, thats another rant for another time.
definately more later... tomorrow if not later tonight. all of a sudden ive found a way to say what its in my mind. at least for now.
Pen & Paper - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
1 comment:
I understand what you are trying to say and first of all I would definitely say that I do NOT do it regularly. I only do it when I am hanging out with friends which isnt even that often. It was just last week we happen to get together a few nights and that was the first time in a long time that I partied with them. I to this day still have never bought it myself, I dont own any paraphernalia and I do NOT do as often as my parents. I guess you could say I am more of a social smoker I only do it when I am hanging out with a fairly large group of people (4-8). And yes they way we group up around it is vastly different. I remember when I was younger and my sister and I told each other that we would never do it, but as you grow older and things around you change you adapt to the changes. I just hope that you wont see me in the same light as your or my parents because I would never make fun of anyone for not doing it or would I ever push someone to do something that didnt want to do, also I am perfectly fine without it. So I would say that it isnt even Semi-important, it is just something I do from time to time when I am with some of my friends or cousins. I hope that cleared some stuff up and you understand where I am coming from.
as for Kari I dont think that I pushed her into blogging (I pushed you) but up until her last blog I hadnt even read or commented any of hers. As for her reading yours I understand why you dont want her too because I would never want katie to read mine because I solely write mine for my self and you (and like my two closet friends) so just ask her politely and if she loves you she will stay away (hopefully). Also by reading her blog I agree that she plays the victim a whole lot (and like I said Katie does it too, it must be a younger sibling thing)
In closing, dont ever hesitate to talk to me about something whether its something I am doing or something happening in your life. That is what this blog is for!
also I have been listening to TRJA quite a bit lately so I thought that was kinda funny.
one of my fav's (the lyrics are slightly appropriate)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDyvyjoWpTg
Post a Comment